Tech News - Telepathic Microchip

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From today's Telegraph: Telepathic' microchip could help paraplegics control computers.

Great news for paraplegics - Dr Jon Spratley has developed a chip to enable paraplegics to control devices using "brain power".

As Dr Spratley, aged 28, puts it himself:

"We are just trying to help people with severe communication problems or motor neurone disease - like Dr Stephen Hawking or Christopher Reeve".

That will need to be quite a powerful chip - given that Christopher Reeve is not only paraplegic, but distinctly DEAD.

Boiler News

I am from England. I live in Sweden. In England we fear employing contractors to do little jobs on / in our houses because, by and large, they are fucking useless. Well, in Sweden, they are exactly the same, except that they don't insist on having a portable music system everywhere that they work.

As I mentioned below, I have been expecting my new boiler to arrive (and be fitted). The boiler arrived on time at 9:45 yesterday morning. Unfortunately, the plumbers didn't arrive until 24 hours later, did 2 hours work, trashed the house, then buggered off again.

Swedish boilers are big things - they run on trees, as opposed to gas, and so they don't just hang on a wall in the corner of your kitchen. They require a boiler room, two massive tanks of water (1.5 tonnes of water, in my case), two pumps, miles of piping and a 200 litre (bloody big....) expansion tank. One would expect that, with that much bulky hardware to deal with, a degree of planning would be involved but I was very impressed with my local plumber (we'll refer to him as "Kenneth", because that's his name) when he paid me a visit to assess the job. He was so good that he was able to spend all of approximately 25 seconds working out what was required. In my case, I also asked him to remove the 3000 litre oil tank which is taking up a lot of space in the boiler room (now required for my two 750 litre water tanks and 200 litre expansion vessel). "No problem", he said, but in Swedish, of course.

Imagine my surprise, today, when Kenny's two oppos informed me that the oil tank would be removed "after" they have finished fitting all of the other gear. So down to the cellar went the boiler, the two massive tanks and the expansion tanks. After a long period of silence from the boiler room, they emerged to tell me that, surprisingly (to them), it was a bit "tight" in there and maybe the oil tank should be removed first. Only problem is, the oil tank job is the responsibility of a specialist contractor (it contains environmentally hazardous diesel) so now nothing more can happen until they turn up (allegedly "tonight") oh, and a another problem.......they have filled the room with all of the new equipment, plus all the crap leftover from the old installation and the old boiler, so now it is nigh on impossible for the other contractor to get at the tank to remove it.

Still, they seem like nice blokes.

Blog Fade

Didn't take long did it? Couple-o-months of incisive posts, than nothing for 5 or 6 weeks. I am in danger of losing my 12 page views per month, unless I get my arse into gear.

I have an excuse, though - I blame the trees. The wonderful Mrs Slagg has been up here at "the other house" and helped me terminate approx 35 trees. Don't worry, green chums, there are still about 60-70 left (we have big gardens in Sweden).

And when my beautiful wife is here, I am not able / allowed to blog, for reasons that I outlined in post number 1.

Anyway, the upside of all this chain sawing, is that I have enough firewood for several years, a nice view of the river, and some precious sunlight reaching my beer drinking terrace. The downside is that I have crippling "tennis elbow" which makes even drinking a cup of tea quite painful.

Then on Monday, I will wave goodbye to all the cash that I earned, the last time that I had a proper job. This is because I will be receiving a brand new Nibe Vedex 3300 (turbo charged wood powered central heating boiler) to replace the 1964 vintage, not terribly efficient, heap of crap, currently languishing in the cellar.

Actually, my ex-girlfriend was a 1964 vintage, not terribly efficient, heap of crap. And she used to languish in the cellar.

The languishing was all voluntarily, I might add. This is Sweden, not Austria.

How does one "languish", anyway?

XBox Update: Boredom sets in

That's a relief then - I soon got bored with PGR4 so therefore have been able to find time to do the things Mrs Slagg thinks I am doing - cutting down trees.

The problem with PGR4, for me, is that, despite having the word "racing" in the title, you spend three quarters of the time driving around fucking cones. And some races can only be won by earning "kudos" (doing slides and "burnouts"). Eh? What is this, Tony Hawks Learns to Drive a Car? Why couldn't we just have races? Races are fun. Races involve racing cars. Not swerving around cones like some high speed version of the cycling proficiency test.

Anyone wanna buy an XBox 360? Going cheap, but must collect from Sweden.

Idiot Watch - The Death of Michael Jackson

Image by tleonard1 via Flickr

The death of arch kiddie diddler Michael Jackson, means that this is "The Happy Time", as they used to say on German U-Boats. The internet is truly awash with glorious stupidity, a happy hunting ground for The Idiot Watch department of miserableoldbugger.

Our stupidity reference library is, of course, the comments section of the Times Online.

Let's kick off with "jayil, london, uk". Lower case "jayil" is quite possibly certifiable:

"In memory of MJ I have been on a 48 hour continuous moonwalking marathon. People on the streets are giving me funny looks, but my dedication for MJ must continue... I'm devastated."

I was going to say something satirical like "Get a job, you twat" but, I suspect that he is already doing the late shift at a McDonalds, somewhere near you.

"KONRAD, SANDIEGO, AMERICA", mental age of 3, shouted this:

"ITS SAD THAT HE DIED IMSURE WE WILLALL MISS HIM I REALLY LIKED HIS SONGS AND HOW HE DID THE MOON WALK R.I.P MJ".

Wise words KONRAD. I would have personally added that he also had fabulous hair though it transpires that the hair wasn't actually his, so can't technically be counted as a positive feature. The "piece", mounted on a bucket of shit, could fill in for him at the O2 shows.

Lower case "robert, denver, usa" paints a beautiful picture for the typical god bothering fan of the small boy buggering, plastic surgery afficianado:

"....Moonwalking through the Pearly Gates. All the Saints marveling at the sight. Jesus coming up to meet him. "Show me how you do that thing, Michael." "Sure Jesus, you just..." A sweet image in my mind......"

Only to be cruelly shot down by the higher moral tone of fellow "believer" "CIL, London, United kingdom":

"Actually, I don't think michael will be showing JESUS how to moonwalk. I think michael will be bowing down to THE LORD JESUS, thanking him for giving him the talent to moonwalk in the first place.

michael, your talent was truly GOD given. Rest in peace, I can't believe you are gone."

You can always rely on christians and Apple marketing men for the random insertion of capital letters - whilst spelling "Michael" with a lower case "M". Also, given that Jackson was, alledgedly, a muslim, does he still get to meet Jesus?

"Richard McVay, El Paso, TX, USA" goes someway to PROVING my POINT about random CAPITALISATION of important WORDS:

"May you rest in peace Michael. I remember being 6yrs old wearing the red Thriller Jacket with zippers all over and going happy to school. I still cant believe this happned. Your LEGACY will live on forever. Every musician now owes you for being the pionere of the dance. May JESUS hold you in his gra"

And leaves us with the mystery of Jesus and his "gra". What exactly is a "gra", Dickie? It sounds interesting but can't be that good, or it would be in BIG letters.

And finally:

"Michael, you changed the world with your music. In return we isolated you and ended up calling you a wacko. Forgive us, for we lost sight of the human you were and the art you gifted to us. Rest in peace."

Thanks for that, "JLD, Los Angeles, USA" but may I point out that he was a kiddie fiddling, pill popping, baby dangling, mask wearing, nose losing, skin whitening, nut case?

And therefore may, quite reasonably, be referred to as "wacko".

Has everyone forgotten that my teenage wank fantasy, Farrah "Foreskin" Majors died on the same day?